If you’ve ever had, or are thinking of having, a colonoscopy (which should include everyone I know) read this. Jal is having one Monday (no photos, you can relax). So far, the colonoscopy news is all great. I’m hoping on Monday I won’t be reporting any bad colonoscopy news. Praying, in fact. But we won’t go there. Past age 50, a colonoscopy is simply a fact of life.
And Jal is great. He looks great, acts great. Really great. Sense of humor intact, adores me, still good at putting (notice no "great" there). He’s fine. Absolutely 100%.
Ok, ok. So this is not Hal. This is actually Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove. Hal looks a lot like Peter Sellers, though. Hal is maybe a little older. And doesn’t have as much hair. Otherwise, there is a striking resemblance. Definitely both funny guys, kinda offbeat. Anyway, I digress…
So here’s the great colonoscopy news: it costs $220 in Costa Rica. Give that a second to sink in. And remember that it costs $5,000 in Key West. $2,500 to have a cheap one in the bowels (couldn’t resist) of middle Florida. I love this about Costa Rica!
You could fly to Costa Rica from Miami for $500 ($400 if you plan ahead), stay 4 nights in a nice hotel with wifi and room service $80/night (you could stay for way less, too), don’t need a car, eat great food for $20/day (gourmet meals for $50) and see two days’ worth of sights for $100, maybe $150 total… Even if you were wildly extravagant, you could do it all for less than $1500. If you were frugal, less than $1,000. Easy.
The whole thing takes less than an hour. The prep is the worst part: liquids only for 24 hours (no fruit smoothies, I had to ask), no aspirin for a few days before. Take a laxative at 4pm, one at 8pm, an enema at 6am, then to the clinic by 8:30am. The procedure takes about 30 minutes, 15 minutes recovery, then home to rest. You are sort of knocked out but not completely, so you can’t drive yourself home. And you will probably need to be waited on the rest of the day, eating good food and drinking fruit smoothies.
That’s all there is to it. As long as you don’t have cancer. OK, freaking myself out a little with that remark. Moving on…
Guess what else? I’m writing this at 10:15am on Thursday, Jal just called to make the appointment and if he hadn’t had breakfast already, he could have gone in tomorrow. That’s fast. In the states, you have to wait a few weeks for everything. So he’ll go in Monday. By 11am, I should have a report.
Hang on, I’m going to say just one more little prayer.
Ok, I’m back. So come on down, get your colonoscopy right here in exotic Costa Rica. Maybe we’ll open The Colonoscopy Resort. Whaddya think? I could probably get Suzanne, my nurse friend, down here to manage the whole laxative-enema thing. I could be in charge of the day-before delicious variety of liquids and the welcome-home fruit smoothies. Jal will be the good food cook and the driver. You don’t want me to cook or drive. Jal wears a blindfold when I drive. That’s just plain rude.
I’m liking the Colonoscopy Resort idea. It warrants further development, just as soon as we get past our personal colonoscopy adventure… more soon. Visualize pink healthy colons.