That was my excuse last week… I’m not good with holidays. Too much pressure of how it’s supposed to be. Feeling guilty because I don’t do it right. I am SO programmed. And not just with holidays. I’m programmed with all the ways "things are supposed to be." With schooling and expectations for the boys. With how our marriage is supposed to proceed. I hate to bring up politics, but I have been programmed by my government to be afraid of everything and look elsewhere for instructions on what to do next. Come holiday time, I’m just terrified I won’t have the proper feelings of gratitude and respect. That my kids won’t have a good holiday. Like they are comparing this holiday to… what? I need to have my brain washed.
Anyway, that’s my excuse for last week. Now I’m just overwhelmed by everything there is to report. SO much has happened.
Last Monday, I saw my Guru at the Sat Yoga Institute. We had an hour session. He says it’s not therapy. Good, because I’m not looking for therapy. It sure feels like therapy, though. I asked what should we call it since we aren’t calling it therapy. The boys said we should call it Sally’s Happy Time.* My Guru thinks not. He says we should call it Transformational Sessions. Too many syllables. For now, I call it Seeing My Guru. I’ll write more on Robert sometime. I’m still enthralled with him and Radha, his wife who is beautiful and funny and an outrageous cook (see below). With Juan who works for them. With the whole SYI. Fascinating and feels right, whatever the hell It is.
Tuesday I saw my GYN ($50). We talked about the blood tests and she’s adjusting the meds. When I still had the whole cycle thing going on, I had a week where I was a normal human being. The rest of the time, I was either a raging bitch or crying in front of the TV, watching Hallmark commercials. I shoulda been on hormones my whole life. Alas, I’d been programmed to think riding an emotional roller coaster was normal for a girl.
Wednesday, the boys and I rode the bus to San José. I am suddenly determined to master the buses around here. They are cheap, they are plentiful, you can go anywhere on a bus. Since we only have one car, if you don’t know the buses, you are pretty much trapped at home. Yeeesss, you can walk. But we live on the top of a mountain. Going to town is a breeze…
Why did we go to San José? To take a class in Scientology. Going for the brain washing here… The literature always
makes such sense to me. Classes are so reasonable, why not? Ryan’s and mine are $43 each; Mo’s is $20. We decided to take one class each, see how we like it, if we think it’s valuable, if we want to take another one. Oh, I put this in green to indicate I’m whispering. Because I had to sign a piece of paper saying I wouldn’t talk about the little green thetans who teach all the classes.
Just kidding. They didn’t make me sign any paper.
When you home-school and home-work, you have to make an effort to get out of the house. And for the boys to meet other kids in Costa Rica, especially in the city, you have to really work at it. A few months ago, we met a lovely family who takes Scientology classes, but don’t really "do" the religion. They seem perfectly normal, they get a lot out of the classes… so, what the heck? We get out of the house, ride the bus, hang out with this other family, learn something completely different. All good.
Funny, we’ve been here for almost two years and just now learning the buses. It’s harder than you can imagine, for a myriad of reasons. The language is a huge barrier. I don’t know how people do it who don’t speak Spanish…
Thursday morning, I got the boys and Hal to go with me to the SYI for their Thanksgiving satsang. It was really lovely, a great way to start the day. There were about 30 people there, including my friend Candy. We all sat around the room and listened to Robert speak. I swear, when he talks you feel like you are in that movie What The Bleep. Then we went around the room and said why we are grateful. And then we ate the most fabulous brunch prepared by Rahda. All vegetarian and absolutely delicious. That’ll take the edge off melancholy… We went home and slept it off, then had steak for dinner. Balance out the whole day, you know?
Friday night, we were invited to a lunata. I can’t find lunata in any dictionary, but there are a bunch of people who get together once a month on the full moon at Barry’s house to play music, sing, eat and hang out. All kinds of people there including teenagers! Barry LOVES country music, as do I. We sang and sang and sang – it was SO MUCH FUN. Can’t wait to do that again.
And here we are: Sunday night, time for bed. Spent all afternoon singing songs, looking for songs for Barry to learn for next time, trying to learn his favorites. Looking forward to sleep, perchance a dream, to tomorrow. I’m so grateful: one big holiday down, one to go.
*In the movie Transformers which we watched last Sunday night, the mom walks into the son’s room and asks who is he talking to. The son says, "No one." The mom says, "Were you masturbating?" The son says, "Mom!" The mom says, "OK, we could just call it ‘Sam’s Happy Time’ – would that work?" The boys find this HYSTERICAL. If you have to watch a movie with your teenagers, this is actually not a bad choice. A few good laugh out loud moments.
I read your blog regularly and forward some of them to my sisters in Ohio. I live in Miami and will be retiring to a property I own near San Ramon so your impressions about CR are good reading for me. I come down for visits every three months and each time I visit, I go back with a stronger sense of nostalgia for Costa Rica.
I am anxiously waiting to see whether or not you stay put. I read that 40% of expats return to the States after two years. I am surprised it is not a higher percentage. I am fluent in Spanish and amazed how many americans who do not speak Spanish remain in CR. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be. Anyway, good luck.
Despite my homesickness, everytime I’ve gone back to the states – anxious to get there, eat REAL sushi, see my buds… after a week or so, I’m just as anxious to get back here.
You know, my situation is a little different. Even if we wanted to, we couldn’t just pick up and go… we’d have to move to a new town in the states. Key West is too expensive, so there’s no going “home.” Even if we were dying to go back (and we aren’t), we are here for at least another year. Being here is not a trial, not at all. Just a little homesickness and to tell you the truth, it’s passed now. The weather is fabulous, I guess this is the equivalent of spring because there are a ton of new birds chirping in the morning, tons of butterflies, no dark clouds to mar our view of the mountains across the way.
Plus, when I think of living in the states again, I remember the political situation there. It will have to be after the next election minimum… see what happens!
The really nice thing is: if you move here, you can stay, or not. You can leave. You can come back. Nothing (except motherhood and my marriage) is forever. If we do decide we don’t want to live here any longer, having already moved to one foreign country, we know we can do it again. And again. Or not. All doors are open – that’s the thing to remember.
On the Spanish thing: I can’t believe people live here and don’t speak Spanish. You miss at least 75% of what is going on around you. What a challenge!!! But some people are in denial. And some people have enough money to insulate them… I guess. I don’t know how they do it. Or even why they would try.
My friend Eileen (not her real name) is one of those who does not speak spanish and has made very little effort to acquire much even thought she is closing on two years living in CR. She has learnt only enough to get by with and has said things to me like, “I don’t go to the (store, pharmacy, etc.) because it’s so hard to find anyone who speaks english in most places to help me”. (Grrrrr!! – my emphasis.)
I have two other acquaintances (Ted & Orrin – also not their real names) who lived in CR of a while, decided they didn’t like it and so moved to Panamá. They’ve been there now for about three years. Neither has learned much spanish and when someone posted an announcement in spanish from a Human Rights Organization about some big social/fundraising “Do’ they each in turn responded:
“Can you please post this announcement in english so we can understand what is going on? I haven’t learned much spanish yet”.
(Grrrr! – How pushy.)
Then the other one wrote:
“It would help if these post could be put on the BB in english so we know what is being talked about. We’re too lazy to learn spanish”.
(!!! – Double Grrrrr!!!)
Now that is just TOO pushy, IMO! (And they’ve done a similar number at least three times that I’ve been witness to!)
I find it hard to understand why there is such resistance to language acquisition in a situation where someone lives in a spanish speaking milieu, intends to remain there (because it’s inexpensive), yet refuses to integrate any further than their physical presence. And, after making no effort to learn any spanish, continue to expect their friends and acquaintances to translate for them.
GrumbleGrumbleGrumble!
And on another front…..
As to that word ‘lunata’ that you mentioned, Sally, it’s not in DRAE but the word ‘lunada’ is, and means a leg of pork. Does that make any better sense?
¡Puro Pernil!
Paul M.
==
I hear you loud and clear, Paul… Hal had lunch with two guys after golf one day. They’d been here five years and Hal had to translate the menu for them. Ridiculous.
Are you telling me I went to a pig sing that had nothing to do with the moon? You’ve rendered me speechless. Rendered. Get it? God, I’m funny.
“I find it hard to understand why there is such resistance to language acquisition in a situation where someone lives in a spanish speaking milieu, intends to remain there (because it’s inexpensive), yet refuses to integrate any further than their physical presence. And, after making no effort to learn any spanish, continue to expect their friends and acquaintances to translate for them.”
Wow !! Exactly the opposite of Miami where many latins refuse to learn English.
I hear you – it’s almost the same thing. The only difference is that the Cubans who escaped Cuba because of Castro, who had their lands and their lives stolen from them, hope to go back. Believe they will be able to… even as the years pass. If they learned English, they would be admitting they probably never will. For them, it is a stubborn refusal to learn English. Not laziness or a complete disregard for the culture they are in. Most of the Cubans are just renting space and time in Miami, waiting to go home.
Do you realize how nuts it is, that you’re getting programmed by “gurus and scientologists” — and then you blame the U.S. government for “programming” you to feel guilty about the holidays?
Somebody been drinking from the Alex Jones kool-aid, lately?
I prefer to think of it as being de-programmed by the gurus and scientologists. I don’t blame the gov for programming me to feel guilty. MOM DID THAT.
If you don’t think the U.S. gov programs us during 12 years of schooling, I’ll send you a copy of my sons’ American Government text book. Reading that thing is downright scary!
I LOVE Alex Jones!!! You, too?
Just kidding. He’s a little over the top for me. Ok, a lot over the top. But I find he balances out one-note Giuliani very nicely.
Would you consider the possibility that YOU and YOU ALONE are responsible for your own feelings?
OK, now YOU sound like Hal.
My actions – the joke about my mother aside – indicate I understand I am. Wanting to examine and perhaps repair some of the deep-down unconscious decisions I’ve made about how I deal emotionally with life situations is only something a person would do who believes change is possible and comes ONLY from within. (Sorry, long sentence…) Otherwise, I’d be trying to change my mother. Who will love SYI, by the way. Maybe even Scientology, but we’ll see.
My mother did indeed teach me guilt is an appropriate response to a truckload of situations. “When in doubt, feel guilty.” As her mother did before her and hers before her. I don’t blame her for that. It’s just a fact. She knows it. And she feels appropriately guilty about it.
There is a load of “life lessons” I learned “growing up” from my mother, my father, 16 years of schooling, my peers, and, yes, my government about appropriate behavior, the response society expects from me. Not all bad, but some of the good got lost in translation. Mostly, I happen to believe, because of fear of doing the wrong thing.
I spent 19 years working the 12 Steps. I’m good, trust me. I’m not giving that up and the very nature of working that program is to stay aware. If nothing else ever changed in me, I would be fine.
On the other hand, there’s room to grow. I have some opportunities here I didn’t have in the states. I’m a seeker. Like my mother and hers before her… I’m wanting to pick apart the tangled web, dig into that unconscious, do a little housekeeping. No harm done, perhaps a little good. We’ll see.
I just look at what Scientology did to poor Tom and Katie, and don’t want the same for you.
Katie has become a stepford wive and Tom has caught the gay.
Katie is… I don’t know what. And I was thinking Tom went there to get over being gay. Being gay – if he is – would not be good for his mainstream career (just following the money here).
Humans insist our movie stars act in real life like they do on screen, something to do with the whole sick celebrity thing.
But then, Tom never “did it” for me, so I don’t care what he is in real life. I would REALLY prefer not to know anything about any of them. Just let me enjoy my movies.
If you saw me and my desk, you would wish a little Stepford on me…
Hi Sara,
I agree with you ” room to grow statement” and I myself have been interested in learning more about Scientology for years, but have never lived close enough to an institute to learn more. Do you mind sharing the address, and phone of the San Jose location. I couldnt find it by going to the main Scientology website.
Thanks for all the information that you post, it sure opens up a very small world here. 🙂
Hi Cindy, Here’s the Scientology info:
248-2552 – 9-8:30 M-F; 9-6 Sat; 9-5 Sun
Av. Central y Calle 1, Edificio Lux, Octavo Piso (that would be 8th floor WALK-UP since the elevators are broken – they are installing new ones… quite the anaerobic workout)
It’s right near the corner where the Wendy’s is on the walking “mall” near the Teatro Naciónal. If you get to the Wendy’s corner, look around (sorry – don’t know the direction) and you will see a hanging sign that says “Scientología” – it’s light blue. It’s catty corner from the farmacia. And the sign is hanging on a building with 9 stories – not many of those. When you get up there, if you can breath, ask for Hervert – maybe it’s really Herbert, but we call him Hair-vairt. He speaks English and is great. Have fun!