I’m doing great, off the O2, feeling like my old self emotionally and mentally, just without the energy to do my old routine. I still have an annoying cough and still hoarse from the respirator, but both are improving. One day at a time and all that.
While in the hospital, I did quite a bit of hallucinating, especially in the induced coma. No wonder those drugs are illegal. I also had plenty of time to ponder, observe and theorize, as follows:
• Here’s the secret to weight loss: don’t eat so much. Duh. I was hoping meditation or visualization or 20 minutes of walking three days a week would make me bikini-ready. Alas, there’s only one thing that will take off the pounds and that’s doing the opposite of what put ’em on. Sigh. Exercise helps, but I know plenty of fat people who work out a lot. That’s why I stopped working out so much: I didn’t lose weight. I looked better and felt better, but I really just wanted to lose weight.
I lost 12 pounds in the hospital. I’m probably the only person in the world that can go on a liquid diet for three weeks and only lose 12 pounds. (Not that I’m complaining. I’ve given up complaining.) Fortunately, I lost six more after I got home. Seems my stomach shrank big-time, so now I eat often and just a little bit. I used to eat like I got a tip on a famine every meal, so this is a big change.
The only other time I’ve lost an appreciable amount of weight was with Weight Watchers. That’s really all about not eating so much, too, but with plenty of distraction so you maybe won’t notice you are starving all the time. But, hey, 18 pounds gone and I didn’t even notice. That’s a silver lining, right?
• Ticos have at least 150% unquestioning faith in La Madre. The upside is that you don’t worry a lot. The downside is that it doesn’t really matter what you do, moral or immoral, because you will be forgiven. That’s a given. Comforting, but no real incentive to “be good.” Whatever that means.
• Ticos also have at least 100% unquestioning faith that their government and its health care system will take care of them from cradle to grave. Soon the U.S. will be like this. Won’t that be nice? (This is not a political jab. I’ve given up politics, too.)
• Three weeks Spanish immersion definitely improved my language skills. When my family came to visit me in the hospital, I was writing (before I could speak), then talking in Spanish. As Hal likes to quip, “You gave me my first order in Spanish.” Ha ha. When I came home, I was formulating all my sentences into Spanish before
speaking them aloud. Then I’d remember everyone speaks English. I was pretty confused for awhile.
• Here’s my Nurse Theory: nurses are either kind or cruel. No matter what else they are or aren’t – intuitive, well-trained, competent – a nurse is kind or cruel at the core. I had a few nurses who were flat out mean. Like, one woman, while I still had the respirator, was giving me water. All I wanted was water, I was thirsty all the time. She went through an elaborate measuring procedure, let a few drops run into my mouth, then took the rest away and poured it down the sink! Nice, huh?
Sadly, I had too many episodes like this. I’m trying to forget them, because most of my nurses were excellent and kind, and took very good care of me. Nurses see everything, know everything. More than once, nurses took charge of my care and I believe I got better faster as a result. In Costa Rica, doctors know this and aren’t intimidated by it. There’s a switch.
My friend Betty teaches English as a second language. She got a list from her school on “The differences between ticos and norteamericanos.” Apparently, ticos see doctors as people, where North Americans see doctors as gods. Hmmm.
• When you have a catheter, everyone gets to look at your hoo-hoo. Just to make sure everything is as it should be. I saw more action from more different people in those three weeks than during my college days. Plus, I got a bath in bed everyday by all manner of persons: men, women, gay, straight. A little tip on getting bathed: the only person you (women) want bathing you, especially down there, is a straight man. Just take my word for it. The last three days in lockup, er, the hospital, I was mobile enough to take a shower all by myself: heaven!!!
• My How-Did-I-Get-Strep-Pneumonia Theory: My doctor told me that most people carry the strep bacteria in their bodies. It’s an opportunistic bacteria, looking for a weak spot. I believe my weak spot developed because of my emotional state. I was physically healthy, albeit tired, just too much on my plate. But, mainly, I had allowed myself to be in a near-constant state of anger and fear because of my obsession with U.S. politics. When I was conscious enough to think, this was a clear epiphany: a body can’t live consumed with anger and fear. Better I eat McDonald’s everyday and think happy thoughts!
Sam brought in a book on chakras one night (she’d read me to sleep.) The lungs are in the heart chakra, the center for balance and harmony. I had had neither for quite some time and that took its toll. The next day, I opened my hands, closed my eyes and willed the anger to leave my body. I swear it was like a river flowing out of my palms, as real as this keyboard feels now under my fingertips.
At the moment, I have no real interest in getting all hopped up over politics. I just don’t see the point in trading my emotional health for… what? Maybe once I’ve learned the art of balance, I can dive in again. Balance. That’s a lovely word; I’d like some.
Those are my hospital musings. One day soon, I’ll tell you about my as-real-as-this-keyboard hallucination during my coma. It wasn’t until the third week in the hospital that I finally realized none of it happened. It was that intense and real. Till then, I’m on the balance and harmony path. Om.
P.S. I fixed #10 on the Hey Lady
post. It now reads: “Some people will do anything for attention.” I
hate it when I forget my punchline. I didn’t think of this myself. Only
about 1,000 people have said it to me. Right out loud, too.
Enjoyed your latest post, as always. Looks like you’ve had a real learning experience. However, on the parts about you giving up complaining and politics, I have to say this sounds like time to call for bets! If only I could *really* give up the things I’ve gotten too attached to! Reminds me of Mark Twain’s line about “Quitting smoking is easy. I’ve done it hundreds of times.” Oh well, I guess that’s where “One day at a time and all that” comes into play.
I’m so glad you’re back in the land of the living (and blogging).
World view adjustments, in my experience, have been organic-like and happen in growth spurts over time. I am suspicious of the sincerity of a swing from one extreme to another in a short time. When I am tempted to do that, I put the brakes on, and I review as carefully as my emotional mind will permit.
This is not to say that one can’t “see the light” or have an epiphany. But too many of those epiphanies might also mean you have had a very insubstantial world view to begin with. Good luck with releasing the anger but don’t throw the baby out with the bath water..we need to understand our world and understanding politics is part of that process.
it seems, my dear Sal, we realize our biggest emotional/mental breakthroughs through trauma connected with introspection.
so glad to know you are healing/recovering with an emphasis on balance. try to keep the “B” in front of your mind’s eye as time goes on.
you look beautiful. and the boys…oh my DOG! how handsomely they have grown. they look really happy to have momma back, too.
((BIG HUG))
I am so happy you are getting back to your old self and with a new positive twist. I always enjoy your spot on observations and commentary.
Yay and I’m happy to be able to read your ramblings again; I’ve missed them and you. As you know, I don’t do politics so this not doing of the politics thing sounds like a great plan to me unless you can do it w/o the stress. Some personalities can, some can’t. Think about your strong personality and know what it can take and what it can’t. All or nothing personalities can’t usually do things in moderation well, obviously. Random people like myself can do little bits of things just fine – which is why I now have to go and finish so many things that I’ve started! lol. {but I don’t do Politics – not that I can’t handle it; I don’t feel what I would say about it matters so why waste the energy – and negativity takes tremendous energy as you may have found}
Anyway, know in your heart what you can do.
And then do everything with peace.
Have a peaceful week! Hugs! and Hola! to the 3boys!
Serenity Prayer (with a couple of my additions)
God/Goddess/Perfect Universe, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Dear Sally,
This little prayer is where it’s at! Your political beliefs make for great blog fodder and entertainment, but ultimately,the wheel keeps on spinning. The most important and only world you can change is in your small circle of influence: family, friends, self, home, maybe some blog readers, ticos when you pass them by and flash a big smile and utter a “Buenas”. Maybe you are the “hundreth monkey”, or the person you just passed on the street is, or your smile caused that necessary ripple that tilted our planet back to love and harmony. Primarily, drop all attachment to outcome. You are wise and strong headed and perfect just as you are. You also are so loved by many people you have never even met, like me! Throughout our time here in Costa Rica, we can help each other remember how fortunate we are to NOT be ‘up there” and how we can continue internalizing that sensible little prayer. “OM” backatcha chica.
Hi, so glad you are up and running, well walking.
As my doctor in Cayo Hueso said to me, “every pill is a poison” he also said, “there are no absolutes”. Its about balance. Eat well. Whatever fuel we consume and don’t use stays in the tank. Same goes for politics, if you can enjoy it do it, if you can’t let it go, get out. Do you think James Carville and Mary Matalin go home and argue their differing points of view…my theory… they go home and have great sex. Hugs to you.
So glad to see you are doing better. Yes the U.S. is a mess and yes you are right better to relax and let it go. I am guilty of the same. Just wanted to let you know I now live 5 minutes outside of Uvita and you have a place in the jungle anytime you want to come on down and relax. I have an extra room and I even have high speed here. Take it slow and easy……………..Deb
Love Uvita! May just take you up on it one day. Letting it go just for today…
I think the white light experiences when one is near death, drugged or not, might be like the Bill Wilson experience that led to so many lives being saved. I only have so much energy, particularly as I age. What should I expend that energy on?
Whatever gives me joy. After a lifetime of anger, doubt, shame, and guilt, I’m going for the joy.
I avoid politics. It’s toxic and ugly. I always vote, though, even for school levies. I’ve never missed an election, ever. And I have a picture of myself with, um, the Secretary of State at a fund-raiser in Hollywood. The right-wingers have recorded that donation on every web site they can think of, in perpetuity.
I do whatever it takes not to drink and drug today, and that’s lasted me 38 years. Toxic anger doesn’t work for me. Maybe for others. Not for me. When I read about letting it flow out through my fingers, I did the same.
Glad you’re well. Thanks for posting.
Kirie
t
Thanks, Kirie, for the positive reminder. Toxic anger does me no good and only harm. That should be my new mantra…
So sorry you’ve been so sick. 🙁
Glad you are doing better. <---HUGS---->
Shawna and Wes.
If you want to lose weight the easy way, try the HCG diet by Dr. Simeons. His book, “Pounds and Inches” is all over the internet for FREE. I lost 50 pounds in 4 months without exercise and without feeling hungry.
There are many youtube videos about it too.