Decisions, decisions. Luscious, high-paying decisions. DO NOT LOOK AT ME! Sorry to yell, but I'm practicing for my new job as a dominatrix. DON'T LAUGH. It pays big bucks, is perfectly legal because there is no actual sex involved and, word has it, older gals are better at it. We have more authority.
IF YOU SNICKER, I WILL HAVE TO SPANK YOU. (See? I'm a natural.)
I confess, I didn't think of this myself. Apparently it's all the rage and we are very in demand, us aging dominatrices. According to Tracy Quan in Kinkonomics:
As the economy takes a spanking, many women are turning to freelance fetish work to supplement their incomes.
"I've seen it before," says Linda, “during the tech bust in 2002. Women who thought they would always make a decent living in the tech sector lost their jobs.” They came looking to Linda’s industry for freelance work, and now it’s happening again: professional women whose cubicle-bound careers have been downsized are entering Linda’s corner of the “gig economy”—a corner that involves whips, ropes, and occasionally, nipple clamps. Keep reading if you dare here…
Thank goodness I don't have to wear the nipple clamps. That would blow the deal. I don't like pain. UNLESS I'M INFLICTING IT. My job is to stand around in tight black leather and give direction in my most authoritative voice. I'll have to get into a little better shape. I don't think I could squeeze all this into one of those outfits. Trust me, for $250-$500/hour, I can get into the best shape of my life.
When I was in Key West having breakfast at Camille's, one of the waitresses was showing off her new uber-high heels. I joked about needing a pair since I was going to become a dominatrix and make $50/hour. She glanced up at me and in her best German mean-girl voice said, "Fifty? $500 and DON'T LOOK AT ME." I fell in love with her right there. But that's another post.
Everyone says the best thing to do is to start out working for someone else. Ads are plentiful (not with that outfit – they are limiting themselves to silly young girls), then eventually build my own dungeon. Shipping is going to be a bitch. No pun intended.
There is plenty of how-to instruction online, even ehow, which tells you how to make your own bread and build your own vegetable garden, can teach you how to be mean to your man! Plus there's this magazine for the finer points… although just reading the disclaimer makes me a little uneasy. I'm going to have to butch up if I'm going to pursue this.
Here's some motivation: I can make $1,000 in a single day yelling at just two men. Two other men, men I'm not even related to. I'm in love with the idea. I'll be all calm after a day's work. Wish I had the actual nerve to do it. I'll start with some books, daily yoga and pull-ups, see if I can work up the body and the nerve. My new mantra is "$500 an hour Om."
If you think of other jobs that pay like this without touching a stranger, let me know. I'm all ears. In the meantime, I'm leaning towards Bitch Goddess. If the shoe fits…