THE PLAYERS The Type A is played by me. Mañana Land is personified exquisitely by I.C.E. (eee-say), the government monopoly that controls the phone lines and – tears are streaming down my face – access to the World Wide Web.
THE PROBLEM We were supposed to move into our new house today, BUT no internet. I can GET internet at my new home, dsl via the phone line. As opposed to cable which is faster and what we were promised by our new landlord… but, hey, this is a third world country. We are thrilled with dsl!
Anyhoo, I called Eee-say, got all signed up. I asked "When?" There was the briefest moment of silence, then she said "45 days." I moment-of-silenced her back, then said "Great, ok. I guess I’ll be hearing from you." And hung up.
I was a math major in college before I switched to drama: 45 days is > 6 weeks. I also grew up in Key West, Florida where I learned all the subtleties of Mañana Land. Forty-five days means more likely sixty to ninety. That’s two to three months, in case the math is getting thick here…
THE SOLUTION Pollyanna, who has not really been needed till now, wakes and stretches. "Don’t worry, babe, there is someone to bribe." OF COURSE! Why didn’t I think of that? This is a socialist country, bribery is a way of life. And here, unlike in the states where you have to be all "hush hush" about it, we do it in the open. In fact, we are quite proud of it. When I find someone to pay to install my dsl line, I won’t have to sneak around, worry about a trial or being arrested. It’s how the system works.
EPILOGUE So I’m off to find someone to bribe. I’m pretty excited about this: my indoctrination into the underworld, the black market of dsl installers, the shady side of life… it will probably look just like the sunny side. Only darker. Next thing you know, I’ll be gambling and you’ll have to come down here and drag me away from the slots. The one thing leads to the other, you know.
I’ll keep you posted…