Rumor has it, we’ve retired. "Retiring" means choosing to quit your job and moving to another country… I guess we sorta did that. But it implies doing that without the need to ever work again. Uh, we didn’t do that. We aren’t retirees, we are runner-away-ees. Just so nobody thinks we are down here living the life of Donald Trump. Think of us like you would Enron employees: we came to work one day, the door was locked and the pension fund cleaned out. Unlike Enron employees, we have no one to blame. Unless you can blame wind. Can you blame wind? We just decided we’d rather go broke living in an exotic 3rd world country where tomatoes are cheap and gambling is legal, than sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring. Just kidding about the gambling thing.
Given our ages and the size of our teenagers’ appetites, an income would be good. Plus I need a job, something useful to do that pays me money. Hal looks at me funny whenever I stop to gaze into a shop window. Not like "funny ha ha". Funny like "you aren’t thinking of buying any stuff, are you?" So I’m investigating new business opportunities… Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:
BECOME A SAND SCULPTURESS Take a look here and tell me it’s not compelling! There is a sand sculpture contest in Playa del Cocos on the Pacific coast this weekend. We didn’t find out about it until too late to go, but I’m going to the next one. Apparently sand sculptors have them all the time ALL OVER THE WORLD! Who knew???? Online, I found a shop that specializes in sand sculpture tools. A company that organizes sand sculpture events. A guy who makes his living creating sand sculptures and has for 30 years. I find this fascinating. How hard could this be? (Hahahahahahaha… looking at the photos, pretty damn difficult, I’d say!) I’ll probably wait to start this career after I’ve seen my first sand sculpture in person. Besides, this couldn’t be a money job. This looks more like a love job.
WRITE ROMANCE NOVELS We brought a suitcase full of books and have read them all. Poor Ryan – finding good books for younger males is hard enough in the states. He’s an avid reader, reads the Harry Potter books in one day, for example… you can’t keep the boy in books. And here, well, forget about it.* There are very few bookstores that sell books in English and most of these books are old paperback novels. That means nothing for Hal (who only reads non-fiction: history, politics, economy… the man needs to get a life) or Ryan (I have yet to see any kid’s books in English).
Luckily, I enjoy any fiction but sci-fi. Even more luckily, I never remember I’ve read a book until I’m half-way thru it and never remember who-done-it, so I can enjoy a book at least twice. Well, MOST of the used paperbacks we find here are bodice rippers. Although it’s been awhile since I’ve read one, it turns out they are a good fast read, total escape. And it’s a pretty straight forward formula: so far the men are all Highlanders and the women are all leggy with red hair. Oh, and everyone interesting is young. That’s a little tiresome. I’m going to write a bodice ripper about short chubby 50 year old women who have excellent personalities. And the Highlanders who love them. Highlanders in kilts. Think it will sell?
*We are going to place a test order from Amazonto ship to our Miami mailbox, see if it gets here. The Miami mailbox will then ship to a secure mailbox here in Costa Rica for only an arm and a leg. Fortunately, you only have to pay this arm and a leg if the package arrives. It’s how we plan to get our natural peanut butter and triscuits. Can you believe we live in a country without TRISCUITS????? When I think of it, I have to sit down.
IMPORT ALL-NATURAL PEANUT BUTTER AND TRISCUITS These people don’t know what they are missing.
PROFESSIONAL BLOGGER The world of blogging is a whole ‘nother world: it’s a blogosphere. A blog is a web journal: instead of writing my adventures in a book and then publishing it in a year, I write it online, publish it immediately and anyone who is interested can live my journey with me. I am not alone in thinking others want to live my journey with me: there are HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of blogs. YOU can blog. If you have a computer and an internet connection, you can start right now. It’s free, it’s pretty simple and we can all live your journey with you.
There are blogs on EVERYTHING. At the top of this page, at the far right, just past the "get your own blog" button, there is a box that says "next blog"… travel that road for awhile. After about 10 blogs, you get dizzy. And there are thousands. It is mind-boggling. (OK, I resisted saying "mind-bloggling". That’s real control.)
And how does a blogger make money? Thru affiliate advertising: if you see an ad on a blog site and click on it and then actually buy something from it, the blogger’s site from whence you came makes a dollar or some percentage. I have some affiliate sites here for things I like: like Skype and Constant Contact.
If I really want to move into the big time, though, I need to put Gambling links on my blog. There’s where the big bucks are: if you click on a gambling link from my site and deposit some amount of money with which you will then gamble, they send me a check for $30 or $50 or $100. Yeah, baby, the big bucks. The only thing is gambling makes me nervous. Just the sites make me nervous. Forget actually going into a casino. Could I make money from a site I wouldn’t frequent? Clearly, I’m no gambler. Yet.
PROFESSIONAL GAMBLER On the other hand, there is money in gambling. More money if you own the casino, I’ll bet. Gambling is legal in Costa Rica. As is prostitution. Of course, prostitution is out. Hal won’t even let me date! But gambling… I actually know people who gamble for a living here. People move here to gamble, to roll the dice, lay it all on the hard 8, bet it all on the flop, wade thru the river. Or something like that. Flop is an excellent gambling word. I’ll be you $5 it’s the word that will be used to describe my life as a gambler.
These are My Brilliant Career ideas for today. I am definitely going to write a book on my adventure when I’m done having it. IF I ever am. So read it all here for free now, because one day you will have to download 100 pages for $9.95. The boys are home from school and opening the last box of Triscuits that Joni and Sally brought us, so I gotta run. They eat like Clydesdales.
Love to you all – hasta la vista! Saratica